Sunday, August 27, 2006
Movie Quotes
Memorable Quotes from
Heathers (1989)
No one at Westerberg is going to let you play their reindeer games.
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Heather Chandler: Is this turnout weak or what? I had at least 70 more people at my funeral.
Veronica Sawyer: Heather?
Heather Chandler: God, Veronica. My afterlife is so boring. I have to sing Kumbaya one more time...
Veronica Sawyer: What are you doing here?
Heather Chandler: I made your favorite. Spaghetti. With lots of oregano. Dinner!
Veronica Sawyer: [wakes up from dream]
Heather McNamara: It's your turn Heather.
Heather Chandler: No, Heather, it's Heather's turn. Heather?
Heather Duke: Sorry Heather.
Heather Chandler: You were nothing before you met me. You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn. You were a Bluebird. You were a Brownie. You were a Girl Scout Cookie.
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J.D.: The extreme always seems to make an impression.
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J.D.: I like it. It's got that what-a-cruel-world-let's-toss-ourselves-in-the-abyss type ambience.
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Veronica Sawyer: All we want is to be treated like human beings, not to be experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits.
Veronica's Dad: I don't patronize bunny rabbits.
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Veronica Sawyer: If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a human being. You'd be a game-show host.
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Veronica Sawyer: Heather, why can't you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a mega-bitch?
Heather Duke: Because I can be.
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J.D.: Wanna go out tonight? Catch a movie? Miniature golf?
Veronica Sawyer: I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather Duke's wrists open, making it look like suicide.
J.D.: Ah, now you're talking. I can be up for that. I've already started underlining meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick, if you know what I mean.
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Veronica Sawyer: She's my best friend. God, I hate her.
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Father Ripper: We must pray the other teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio, know the name of that righteous dude who can solve their problems: it's Jesus Christ, and he's in the Book.
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Veronica Sawyer: Tomorrow, I'll be kissing her aerobicized ass, but tonight, let me dream of a world without Heather, a world where I am free.
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Veronica Sawyer: If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?
Heather McNamara the Cheerleader: Probably.
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Student: Did You Hear? School's canceled today cause Kurt & Ram killed themselves in a repressed, homosexual, suicide pact.
Heather Duke: No Way!
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Veronica Sawyer: How very.
"Heathers" screencaps
Memorable Quotes from
Vacation (1983)
Clark: We're from out of town.
Man Giving Directions: No shit.
Clark: I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgeory to remove our godamn smiles. You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of you're assholes! I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!
Economics Teacher: In 1930, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives, in an effort to alleviate the effects of the... Anyone? Anyone?... the Great Depression, passed the... Anyone? Anyone? The tariff bill? The Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act? Which, anyone? Raised or lowered?... raised tariffs, in an effort to collect more revenue for the federal government. Did it work? Anyone? Anyone know the effects? It did not work, and the United States sank deeper into the Great Depression. Today we have a similar debate over this. Anyone know what this is? Class? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone seen this before? The Laffer Curve. Anyone know what this says? It says that at this point on the revenue curve, you will get exactly the same amount of revenue as at this point. This is very controversial. Does anyone know what Vice President Bush called this in 1980? Anyone? Something-d-o-o economics. "Voodoo" economics.
Economics Teacher: Bueller?... Bueller?... Bueller?
Ferris: Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism's in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, "I don't believe in The Beatles, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus but it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car!
David St. Hubbins: We say, "Love your brother." We don't say it really, but...
Nigel Tufnel: We don't literally say it.
David St. Hubbins: No, we don't say it.
Nigel Tufnel: We don't really, literally mean it.
David St. Hubbins: No, we don't believe it either, but...
Nigel Tufnel: But we're not racists.
David St. Hubbins: But that message should be clear, anyway.
Nigel Tufnel: We're anything but racists.
Nigel Tufnel: The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and...
Marty DiBergi: Oh, I see. And most amps go up to ten?
Nigel Tufnel: Exactly.
Marty DiBergi: Does that mean it's louder? Is it any louder?
Nigel Tufnel: Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not ten. You see, most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten. You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where?
Marty DiBergi: I don't know.
Nigel Tufnel: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do?
Marty DiBergi: Put it up to eleven.
Nigel Tufnel: Eleven. Exactly. One louder.
Marty DiBergi: Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder?
Nigel Tufnel: [pause] These go to eleven.
Frank: It's true what they say: Cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside.
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Jane: I've heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That's why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren't you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.
Mayor: Now Drebin, I don't want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that's my policy.
Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that's my policy.
Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!
Ed: Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there's only a 10 percent chance of that.
Frank: I've finally found someone I can love - a good, clean love... without utensils.
Ed Rooney: I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.
Cameron: [singing] When Cameron was in Egypt's land..."let my Cameron go!"
The Architect: The answer is simple. You are the eventuality of an anomaly. You are inexorably seeking acidulant probability.
Cindy: Acidulant? I uh...
The Architect: Grotesquery?... No?... What about, contingent affirmation?... That's gotta mean somethin...
Brenda Meeks: [TV flickers on] Cindy, the news is on. Another little white girl done fell down a well. Fifty black people get their ass beaten by police today, but the whole world gotta stop for one little whitey down a hole.
Frank Drebin: Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.
Tanya Peters: What are you doing?
Frank Drebin: Oh! I was, uh, just conjugating my next move.
Tanya Peters: Your bishop's exposed.
Frank Drebin: It's these pants.
Kinky. But I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible.
Rocco Dillon: Where's your prison number?
Frank Drebin: It's unlisted.
Quentin Hapsburg: Que sera sera... You do speak French, don't you?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Unfortunately no, but I do kiss that way.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Oh, it's all right. I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr... Poopy Pants?
Lt. Frank Drebin: This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. Throw down your guns, and come on out with your hands up. Or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever way you wanna do it. Just remember the two key elements here: one, guns to be thrown down; two, come on out!
Banquet Doorman: Your coat, sir?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Yes, it is. And I have a receipt to prove it.
President George Bush: Frank, please consider filling a post I'm creating. It may mean long hours and dangerous nights, surrounded by some of the scummiest elements in our society.
Lt. Frank Drebin: You want me to be in your cabinet?
Rumack: You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Elaine Dickinson: A hospital? What is it?
Rumack: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.
Hanging Lady: Nervous?
Ted Striker: Yes.
Hanging Lady: First time?
Ted Striker: No, I've been nervous lots of times.
Elaine Dickinson: There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
Rex Kramer: Striker, listen, and you listen close: flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.
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Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.
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Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.
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Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
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Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines
Hector Savage: I want a car out front, something fun, a Porsche, then I want a plane ticket to Jamaica... And I want a nice hotel, no touristy place... Something really indicative of the people and their culture.
Ed Hocken: You might end up dead!
Frank Drebin: "You might end up dead" is my middle name.
Ed Hocken: What about Jane?
Frank Drebin: I don't know her middle name.
George: Now everybody in the 202, throw your hands in the air 'cause Fat Joe is through / Now everybody in the 202, throw 'em up! Check it out / I'm a white boy, but my neck is red / I put Miracle Whip on my Wonder Bread / My face is pale, nah, I've never been in jail / Me and Buffy spend every winter at Vail / How many bitches have I slapped? Zero. Unh! / And Martha Stewart happens to be my hero / I grew up on a farm and I was born with no rhythm / Dr. Phil's my uncle and I like to hang with him / I can't dance / I wear khaki pants / My middle name's Lance / My Grandma's from France / So maybe I'm wack / 'Cause my skin ain't black / But you can't talk smack / 'Cause whitey just struck back
Mahalik: If they're friendly, how come they choke us few minutes ago?
Alien #1: Oh... that's how we say hello.
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Cindy: Something weird is going on at your farm. I know it.
George: I don't know what you're talking about. Sometimes a sheep just needs to be pushed through the fence
George: I have a dream.
Tom: What is your dream?
George: To have a dream.
Cody: [to man smoking] Smoke all you want, you're gonna get hit by a bus.
President Harris: I just want to tell you both good luck, we're all counting on you.
Rumack: The survival of everyone on board depends on just one thing: finding someone on board who can not only fly this plane, but who didn't have fish for dinner.
President Harris: I'm here today at the...
[looks at the U.N emblem]
President Harris: ... un.
Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious.
Rumack: I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.
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Elaine Dickinson: You got a letter from headquarters this morning.
Ted Striker: What is it?
Elaine Dickinson: It's a big building where generals meet, but that's not important.
Brenda: This is some shit, up with which we will not put.
Newscaster: I'm not wearing any pants. Film at eleven.
Hillary Flammond: People change, hairstyles change, interest rates fluctuate.
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German teaching tape: Die Sauerkraut ist in mein Lederhosen.
Blindman: What phony dog poo?
Maude Lebowski: What do you do for recreation?
The Dude: Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.
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Topper Harley: You have the whitest white-part-of-the-eyes I've ever seen. Do you floss?
Admiral Benson: My eyes are ceramic. Caught a bazooka round at Little Big Horn. Or was it Okinawa? The one without the Indians.
Admiral Benson: I don't have a clue what you're talkin' about, Phil. Not a fucking clue. I have a shell the size of a fist in my head. Pork Chop Hill. The only way I can make this goddamn toupee to stay on is by magnetizing the entire upper left quadrant of my skull, so you just go ahead and do what you do.
Deja Vu: Don't take it so hard Nick, life is filled with it's little miseries, each of us in his own way must learn to deal with adversity in a mature and adult fashion.
[Sneezes into hands screams, and jumps out a window]
Henry Gibson: In the past year, over 800,000 millions have died. Despite millions of dollars of research, death continues to be our nation's number one killer.
Henry Gibson: Although, so far there's no known treatment for death's crippling effects, still everyone can acquaint himself with the three early warning signs of death: one, rigor mortis; two, a rotting smell; three, occasional drowsiness.
Nick Rivers: Listen to me Hillary. I'm not the first guy who fell in love with a woman that he met at a restaurant who turned out to be the daughter of a kidnapped scientist only to lose her to her childhood lover who she last saw on a deserted island who then turned out fifteen years later to be the leader of the French underground.
Hillary Flammond: I know. It all sounds like some bad movie.
[Long pause. Both look at camera]
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The Architect: What are you saying?
The Nurse: Leave her... come back to Montana with me.
The Architect: I could no sooner run away from her than myself.
The Nurse: I'm not asking you to run, I'm asking you to face reality!
The Architect: Whose reality, yours or mine?
The Nurse: My reality AND yours, that's whose!
The Architect: What are you saying?
The Nurse: Leave her! Come back to Montana with me!
The Architect: I could no sooner run away from her than myself!
The Nurse: I'm not asking you to run, I'm asking you to face reality!
The Architect: Whose reality, yours or mine?
The Nurse: My reality AND yours, that's whose!
The Architect: What are you saying?
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Narrator: Never before has the beauty of the sexual act been so crassly exploited!
Loo: And who are they?
Dr. Klahn: Refuse, found in waterfront bars.
Loo: Shanghaied?
Dr. Klahn: Just lost drunken men who don't know where they are and no longer care.
Prisoner #1: Where are we?
Prisoner #2: I don't care!
Loo: And these?
Dr. Klahn: These are lost drunken men who don't know where they are, but do care! And these are men who know where they are and care, but don't drink.
Prisoner #3: I don't know who I am?
Prisoner #4: And I don't drink!
Dr. Klahn: Guards! (move prisoners) Do you care?
Prisoner #5: No.
Dr. Klahn: Put this man in cell #1, and give him a drink.
Guard: What do you drink?
Prisoner #5: I don't care.
Memorable Quotes from
Hot Shots! Part Deux (1993)
Harbinger: Thank you, Topper. I can kill again! You've given me a reason to live.
Harbinger: War... it's fantastic!
Saddam Hussein: Now I will kill you until you die from it!
[Addressing a roomful of Japanese businessmen]
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: It seems like only yesterday I was strafing so many of your homes. Here I am today, begging you not to make such good cars.
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: [He is about ready to battle Saddam Hussein] We'll settle this the old navy way; The first guy to die, LOSES!
Michelle Huddleson: Now we have to go in to get the men who went in to get the men who went in to get the men.
News Anchorman: In an emotional address at the state capitol Nebraska Governor, Paul Burmaster made a public apology for his state being so flat.
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: Here's the target area.
Gerou: That's Minnesota, sir.
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: Damn it, man, that's the genius of my plan. Why go over there to fight? We can do it right here at home, and get in some good fishing while we're at it.
Gerou: Sir, the enemy is over there.
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: Then we'll fly them over here. Their families too. We'll teach them to skate... Do I have to think of everything?
Topper Harley: I'm not saying I don't trust you, and I'm not saying I do. But I don't.
Topper Harley: I'm happy for you, kid. But if you think you can hurt me again, you're wrong. I left my heart in my other pants.
Topper Harley: Ramada, I do love you. I've tried to forget you but no matter what, your face is on the tip of my tongue.
Iraqi Boat driver: [as his men leave] Kareem of onion! Al Jarreau!
Iraqi Boat driver: [after failing to kill Topper] Omar Sharif!
Saddam Hussein: They've dicked with the wrong dictator!
Col. Denton Walters: It seems there were three bears. And one morning when their porridge was too hot, they went for a walk. And a little blond girl came skipping through the woods... she ate their porridge and she sat in their chairs... she slept in their beds. And when those bears returned and discovered that mess... Do you know what happened then Topper?
Topper Harley: No.
Col. Denton Walters: That little blond girl get scared. Ran away.
Topper Harley: So you're saying is that little blond girl is me. If this is about me coloring my hair...
Topper Harley: Do you know what its like to have your heart shot out of season and tied to the top of a car? How it feels to be passed like the world's largest kidney stone? Ramada... I don't THINK so.
Man in Pink: [singing] Whenever life gets you down Mrs. Brown / and things seem hard or tough / and people are stupid, obnoxious or daft / and you feel that you've had quite enough! / just remember that your standing on a planet thats evolving / revolving at nine-hundred miles an hour / its orbiting at ninety miles a second / so its reckoned / a sun that is the source of all our power / the sun and you and me / and all the stars that we can see / are moving at a million miles a day / in an outer spiral arm at forty-thousand miles an hour / of the galaxy we call the Milky Way / Our galaxy itself / contains a hundred billion stars / its a hundred thousand lightyears side to side / it bulges in the middle / sixteen-thousand lightyears thick / but out by us its just three-thousand lightyears wide / were thirty-thousand lightyears from galatic central point / we go round every two-hundred-million years / and our galaxy is only one of millions of billions in this amazing and expanding universe.
[musical interlude]
Man in Pink: The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding / in all of the directions it can whiz / as fast as it can go / the speed of light you know / twelve million miles a minute and thats the fastest speed there is / so remember when your feeling very small and insecure / how amazingly unlikely is your birth / and pray that there intelligent life somewhere up in space / cause theres bugger all down here on Earth.
Chaplain: Let us praise God. O Lord...
Congregation: O Lord...
Chaplain: ...Ooh, You are so big...
Congregation: ...ooh, You are so big...
Chaplain: ...So absolutely huge.
Congregation: ...So absolutely huge.
Chaplain: Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You.
Congregation: Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You.
Chaplain: Forgive us, O Lord, for this, our dreadful toadying, and...
Congregation: And barefaced flattery.
Chaplain: But You are so strong and, well, just so super.
Congregation: Fantastic.
Humphrey: Amen.
Congregation: Amen.
Maria the cleaning woman: I used to work in the Académie Française / but it didn't do me any good at all. / And I once worked in the library in the Prado in Madrid / But it didn't teach me nothing I recall. / And the Library of Congress you would have thought would hold some key / but it didn't and neither did the Bodlean Library. / In The British Museum I hoped to find some clue / I worked there from nine till six / Read every volume through / But it didn't teach me nothing about life's mystery. / I just kept getting older, it got more difficult to see. / Till eventually me eyes went and me arthritis got bad. / So now I'm cleaning up in here but I can't be really sad. / Cause you see I feel that life's a game. / You sometimes win or lose. / And though I may be down right now at least I don't work for Jews.
Henny Youngman: Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. Why do Jewish guys die before their wives? They want to.
The Joker: Tell me something, my friend. You ever dance with the devil by the pale moonlight?
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The Joker: Never rub another man's rhubarb.
The Joker: New and improved Joker products! With a new secret ingredient: Smylex.
Jack Napier: So gentlemen, that's how it is. Until Grissom, uh resurfaces, I'm the acting President, and I say starting with this anniversary festival, we run the city into the ground.
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Joker: I now do what other people only dream. I make art until someone dies. See? I am the world's first fully functioning homicidal artist.
[to Rotelli's charred and smoldering corpse]
Joker: Your pals, uh, they're not bad people. Maybe we, uh, outta give them a couple of days to think it over.
[shakes head]
Joker: No?
[looks surprised]
Joker: Grease 'em now? Well, OK. You are a vicious bastard Rotelli, and, uh, I'm glad you're dead!
Memorable Quotes from
My Blue Heaven (1990/I)
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: When did your wife leave?
Barney: October.
Vince: That's when my wife left! What is it about the month of October?
Barney: I dunno. The pressure of Halloween? You never know what to go as!
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Hannah Stubbs: And where did you learn to jump start a car?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: I had to learn to jump start ambulances, to get invalids to the dialysis machines.
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: You dirty rat!
Johnny Bird: Snitch!
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Stool pigeon!
Johnny Bird: Informer!
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Squealer!
Johnny Bird: You dirty rat!
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: I already said you dirty rat!
Johnny Bird: Yeah, but I say it better.
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Clerk at Supermarket: Hello sir, would you like to try a vanilla-bran oat crunchy?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: What do you think?
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[Vincent Antonelli is questioned about the stolen goods in the trunk of the car he stole]
Hannah Stubbs: The books...
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: You have something against books?
Hannah Stubbs: I have nothing about books! I am curious about the books in your trunk.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: You see, I was thinking of writing my story, so I bought this one on how to do it.
Hannah Stubbs: Why do you need 25 copies of it?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: In case I want to read it more than once...
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[Barney tells a joke. Everyone laughs, except Hannah]
Hannah Stubbs: I see that it's funny. I have a sense of humor.
Barney: Of course you have a sense of humor. Everyone thinks they do, even people who don't.
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: It's not tipping I believe in. It's overtipping.
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[Supervising his Mafia friends laying down sod for a baseball field]
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Green side up, fellas! Green side up
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: I am the worst case scenario of Thomas Jefferson's dream.
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Heathers (1989)
No one at Westerberg is going to let you play their reindeer games.
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Heather Chandler: Is this turnout weak or what? I had at least 70 more people at my funeral.
Veronica Sawyer: Heather?
Heather Chandler: God, Veronica. My afterlife is so boring. I have to sing Kumbaya one more time...
Veronica Sawyer: What are you doing here?
Heather Chandler: I made your favorite. Spaghetti. With lots of oregano. Dinner!
Veronica Sawyer: [wakes up from dream]
Heather McNamara: It's your turn Heather.
Heather Chandler: No, Heather, it's Heather's turn. Heather?
Heather Duke: Sorry Heather.
Heather Chandler: You were nothing before you met me. You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn. You were a Bluebird. You were a Brownie. You were a Girl Scout Cookie.
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J.D.: The extreme always seems to make an impression.
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J.D.: I like it. It's got that what-a-cruel-world-let's-toss-ourselves-in-the-abyss type ambience.
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Veronica Sawyer: All we want is to be treated like human beings, not to be experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits.
Veronica's Dad: I don't patronize bunny rabbits.
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Veronica Sawyer: If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a human being. You'd be a game-show host.
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Veronica Sawyer: Heather, why can't you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a mega-bitch?
Heather Duke: Because I can be.
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J.D.: Wanna go out tonight? Catch a movie? Miniature golf?
Veronica Sawyer: I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather Duke's wrists open, making it look like suicide.
J.D.: Ah, now you're talking. I can be up for that. I've already started underlining meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick, if you know what I mean.
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Veronica Sawyer: She's my best friend. God, I hate her.
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Father Ripper: We must pray the other teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio, know the name of that righteous dude who can solve their problems: it's Jesus Christ, and he's in the Book.
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Veronica Sawyer: Tomorrow, I'll be kissing her aerobicized ass, but tonight, let me dream of a world without Heather, a world where I am free.
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Veronica Sawyer: If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?
Heather McNamara the Cheerleader: Probably.
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Student: Did You Hear? School's canceled today cause Kurt & Ram killed themselves in a repressed, homosexual, suicide pact.
Heather Duke: No Way!
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Veronica Sawyer: How very.
"Heathers" screencaps
Memorable Quotes from
Vacation (1983)
Clark: We're from out of town.
Man Giving Directions: No shit.
Clark: I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgeory to remove our godamn smiles. You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of you're assholes! I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!
Economics Teacher: In 1930, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives, in an effort to alleviate the effects of the... Anyone? Anyone?... the Great Depression, passed the... Anyone? Anyone? The tariff bill? The Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act? Which, anyone? Raised or lowered?... raised tariffs, in an effort to collect more revenue for the federal government. Did it work? Anyone? Anyone know the effects? It did not work, and the United States sank deeper into the Great Depression. Today we have a similar debate over this. Anyone know what this is? Class? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone seen this before? The Laffer Curve. Anyone know what this says? It says that at this point on the revenue curve, you will get exactly the same amount of revenue as at this point. This is very controversial. Does anyone know what Vice President Bush called this in 1980? Anyone? Something-d-o-o economics. "Voodoo" economics.
Economics Teacher: Bueller?... Bueller?... Bueller?
Ferris: Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism's in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, "I don't believe in The Beatles, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus but it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car!
David St. Hubbins: We say, "Love your brother." We don't say it really, but...
Nigel Tufnel: We don't literally say it.
David St. Hubbins: No, we don't say it.
Nigel Tufnel: We don't really, literally mean it.
David St. Hubbins: No, we don't believe it either, but...
Nigel Tufnel: But we're not racists.
David St. Hubbins: But that message should be clear, anyway.
Nigel Tufnel: We're anything but racists.
Nigel Tufnel: The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and...
Marty DiBergi: Oh, I see. And most amps go up to ten?
Nigel Tufnel: Exactly.
Marty DiBergi: Does that mean it's louder? Is it any louder?
Nigel Tufnel: Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not ten. You see, most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten. You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where?
Marty DiBergi: I don't know.
Nigel Tufnel: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do?
Marty DiBergi: Put it up to eleven.
Nigel Tufnel: Eleven. Exactly. One louder.
Marty DiBergi: Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder?
Nigel Tufnel: [pause] These go to eleven.
Frank: It's true what they say: Cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside.
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Jane: I've heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That's why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren't you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.
Mayor: Now Drebin, I don't want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that's my policy.
Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that's my policy.
Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!
Ed: Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there's only a 10 percent chance of that.
Frank: I've finally found someone I can love - a good, clean love... without utensils.
Ed Rooney: I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.
Cameron: [singing] When Cameron was in Egypt's land..."let my Cameron go!"
The Architect: The answer is simple. You are the eventuality of an anomaly. You are inexorably seeking acidulant probability.
Cindy: Acidulant? I uh...
The Architect: Grotesquery?... No?... What about, contingent affirmation?... That's gotta mean somethin...
Brenda Meeks: [TV flickers on] Cindy, the news is on. Another little white girl done fell down a well. Fifty black people get their ass beaten by police today, but the whole world gotta stop for one little whitey down a hole.
Frank Drebin: Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.
Tanya Peters: What are you doing?
Frank Drebin: Oh! I was, uh, just conjugating my next move.
Tanya Peters: Your bishop's exposed.
Frank Drebin: It's these pants.
Kinky. But I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible.
Rocco Dillon: Where's your prison number?
Frank Drebin: It's unlisted.
Quentin Hapsburg: Que sera sera... You do speak French, don't you?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Unfortunately no, but I do kiss that way.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Oh, it's all right. I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr... Poopy Pants?
Lt. Frank Drebin: This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. Throw down your guns, and come on out with your hands up. Or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever way you wanna do it. Just remember the two key elements here: one, guns to be thrown down; two, come on out!
Banquet Doorman: Your coat, sir?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Yes, it is. And I have a receipt to prove it.
President George Bush: Frank, please consider filling a post I'm creating. It may mean long hours and dangerous nights, surrounded by some of the scummiest elements in our society.
Lt. Frank Drebin: You want me to be in your cabinet?
Rumack: You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Elaine Dickinson: A hospital? What is it?
Rumack: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.
Hanging Lady: Nervous?
Ted Striker: Yes.
Hanging Lady: First time?
Ted Striker: No, I've been nervous lots of times.
Elaine Dickinson: There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
Rex Kramer: Striker, listen, and you listen close: flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.
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Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.
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Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.
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Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
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Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines
Hector Savage: I want a car out front, something fun, a Porsche, then I want a plane ticket to Jamaica... And I want a nice hotel, no touristy place... Something really indicative of the people and their culture.
Ed Hocken: You might end up dead!
Frank Drebin: "You might end up dead" is my middle name.
Ed Hocken: What about Jane?
Frank Drebin: I don't know her middle name.
George: Now everybody in the 202, throw your hands in the air 'cause Fat Joe is through / Now everybody in the 202, throw 'em up! Check it out / I'm a white boy, but my neck is red / I put Miracle Whip on my Wonder Bread / My face is pale, nah, I've never been in jail / Me and Buffy spend every winter at Vail / How many bitches have I slapped? Zero. Unh! / And Martha Stewart happens to be my hero / I grew up on a farm and I was born with no rhythm / Dr. Phil's my uncle and I like to hang with him / I can't dance / I wear khaki pants / My middle name's Lance / My Grandma's from France / So maybe I'm wack / 'Cause my skin ain't black / But you can't talk smack / 'Cause whitey just struck back
Mahalik: If they're friendly, how come they choke us few minutes ago?
Alien #1: Oh... that's how we say hello.
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Cindy: Something weird is going on at your farm. I know it.
George: I don't know what you're talking about. Sometimes a sheep just needs to be pushed through the fence
George: I have a dream.
Tom: What is your dream?
George: To have a dream.
Cody: [to man smoking] Smoke all you want, you're gonna get hit by a bus.
President Harris: I just want to tell you both good luck, we're all counting on you.
Rumack: The survival of everyone on board depends on just one thing: finding someone on board who can not only fly this plane, but who didn't have fish for dinner.
President Harris: I'm here today at the...
[looks at the U.N emblem]
President Harris: ... un.
Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious.
Rumack: I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.
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Elaine Dickinson: You got a letter from headquarters this morning.
Ted Striker: What is it?
Elaine Dickinson: It's a big building where generals meet, but that's not important.
Brenda: This is some shit, up with which we will not put.
Newscaster: I'm not wearing any pants. Film at eleven.
Hillary Flammond: People change, hairstyles change, interest rates fluctuate.
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German teaching tape: Die Sauerkraut ist in mein Lederhosen.
Blindman: What phony dog poo?
Maude Lebowski: What do you do for recreation?
The Dude: Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.
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Topper Harley: You have the whitest white-part-of-the-eyes I've ever seen. Do you floss?
Admiral Benson: My eyes are ceramic. Caught a bazooka round at Little Big Horn. Or was it Okinawa? The one without the Indians.
Admiral Benson: I don't have a clue what you're talkin' about, Phil. Not a fucking clue. I have a shell the size of a fist in my head. Pork Chop Hill. The only way I can make this goddamn toupee to stay on is by magnetizing the entire upper left quadrant of my skull, so you just go ahead and do what you do.
Deja Vu: Don't take it so hard Nick, life is filled with it's little miseries, each of us in his own way must learn to deal with adversity in a mature and adult fashion.
[Sneezes into hands screams, and jumps out a window]
Henry Gibson: In the past year, over 800,000 millions have died. Despite millions of dollars of research, death continues to be our nation's number one killer.
Henry Gibson: Although, so far there's no known treatment for death's crippling effects, still everyone can acquaint himself with the three early warning signs of death: one, rigor mortis; two, a rotting smell; three, occasional drowsiness.
Nick Rivers: Listen to me Hillary. I'm not the first guy who fell in love with a woman that he met at a restaurant who turned out to be the daughter of a kidnapped scientist only to lose her to her childhood lover who she last saw on a deserted island who then turned out fifteen years later to be the leader of the French underground.
Hillary Flammond: I know. It all sounds like some bad movie.
[Long pause. Both look at camera]
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The Architect: What are you saying?
The Nurse: Leave her... come back to Montana with me.
The Architect: I could no sooner run away from her than myself.
The Nurse: I'm not asking you to run, I'm asking you to face reality!
The Architect: Whose reality, yours or mine?
The Nurse: My reality AND yours, that's whose!
The Architect: What are you saying?
The Nurse: Leave her! Come back to Montana with me!
The Architect: I could no sooner run away from her than myself!
The Nurse: I'm not asking you to run, I'm asking you to face reality!
The Architect: Whose reality, yours or mine?
The Nurse: My reality AND yours, that's whose!
The Architect: What are you saying?
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Narrator: Never before has the beauty of the sexual act been so crassly exploited!
Loo: And who are they?
Dr. Klahn: Refuse, found in waterfront bars.
Loo: Shanghaied?
Dr. Klahn: Just lost drunken men who don't know where they are and no longer care.
Prisoner #1: Where are we?
Prisoner #2: I don't care!
Loo: And these?
Dr. Klahn: These are lost drunken men who don't know where they are, but do care! And these are men who know where they are and care, but don't drink.
Prisoner #3: I don't know who I am?
Prisoner #4: And I don't drink!
Dr. Klahn: Guards! (move prisoners) Do you care?
Prisoner #5: No.
Dr. Klahn: Put this man in cell #1, and give him a drink.
Guard: What do you drink?
Prisoner #5: I don't care.
Memorable Quotes from
Hot Shots! Part Deux (1993)
Harbinger: Thank you, Topper. I can kill again! You've given me a reason to live.
Harbinger: War... it's fantastic!
Saddam Hussein: Now I will kill you until you die from it!
[Addressing a roomful of Japanese businessmen]
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: It seems like only yesterday I was strafing so many of your homes. Here I am today, begging you not to make such good cars.
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: [He is about ready to battle Saddam Hussein] We'll settle this the old navy way; The first guy to die, LOSES!
Michelle Huddleson: Now we have to go in to get the men who went in to get the men who went in to get the men.
News Anchorman: In an emotional address at the state capitol Nebraska Governor, Paul Burmaster made a public apology for his state being so flat.
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: Here's the target area.
Gerou: That's Minnesota, sir.
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: Damn it, man, that's the genius of my plan. Why go over there to fight? We can do it right here at home, and get in some good fishing while we're at it.
Gerou: Sir, the enemy is over there.
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: Then we'll fly them over here. Their families too. We'll teach them to skate... Do I have to think of everything?
Topper Harley: I'm not saying I don't trust you, and I'm not saying I do. But I don't.
Topper Harley: I'm happy for you, kid. But if you think you can hurt me again, you're wrong. I left my heart in my other pants.
Topper Harley: Ramada, I do love you. I've tried to forget you but no matter what, your face is on the tip of my tongue.
Iraqi Boat driver: [as his men leave] Kareem of onion! Al Jarreau!
Iraqi Boat driver: [after failing to kill Topper] Omar Sharif!
Saddam Hussein: They've dicked with the wrong dictator!
Col. Denton Walters: It seems there were three bears. And one morning when their porridge was too hot, they went for a walk. And a little blond girl came skipping through the woods... she ate their porridge and she sat in their chairs... she slept in their beds. And when those bears returned and discovered that mess... Do you know what happened then Topper?
Topper Harley: No.
Col. Denton Walters: That little blond girl get scared. Ran away.
Topper Harley: So you're saying is that little blond girl is me. If this is about me coloring my hair...
Topper Harley: Do you know what its like to have your heart shot out of season and tied to the top of a car? How it feels to be passed like the world's largest kidney stone? Ramada... I don't THINK so.
Man in Pink: [singing] Whenever life gets you down Mrs. Brown / and things seem hard or tough / and people are stupid, obnoxious or daft / and you feel that you've had quite enough! / just remember that your standing on a planet thats evolving / revolving at nine-hundred miles an hour / its orbiting at ninety miles a second / so its reckoned / a sun that is the source of all our power / the sun and you and me / and all the stars that we can see / are moving at a million miles a day / in an outer spiral arm at forty-thousand miles an hour / of the galaxy we call the Milky Way / Our galaxy itself / contains a hundred billion stars / its a hundred thousand lightyears side to side / it bulges in the middle / sixteen-thousand lightyears thick / but out by us its just three-thousand lightyears wide / were thirty-thousand lightyears from galatic central point / we go round every two-hundred-million years / and our galaxy is only one of millions of billions in this amazing and expanding universe.
[musical interlude]
Man in Pink: The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding / in all of the directions it can whiz / as fast as it can go / the speed of light you know / twelve million miles a minute and thats the fastest speed there is / so remember when your feeling very small and insecure / how amazingly unlikely is your birth / and pray that there intelligent life somewhere up in space / cause theres bugger all down here on Earth.
Chaplain: Let us praise God. O Lord...
Congregation: O Lord...
Chaplain: ...Ooh, You are so big...
Congregation: ...ooh, You are so big...
Chaplain: ...So absolutely huge.
Congregation: ...So absolutely huge.
Chaplain: Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You.
Congregation: Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You.
Chaplain: Forgive us, O Lord, for this, our dreadful toadying, and...
Congregation: And barefaced flattery.
Chaplain: But You are so strong and, well, just so super.
Congregation: Fantastic.
Humphrey: Amen.
Congregation: Amen.
Maria the cleaning woman: I used to work in the Académie Française / but it didn't do me any good at all. / And I once worked in the library in the Prado in Madrid / But it didn't teach me nothing I recall. / And the Library of Congress you would have thought would hold some key / but it didn't and neither did the Bodlean Library. / In The British Museum I hoped to find some clue / I worked there from nine till six / Read every volume through / But it didn't teach me nothing about life's mystery. / I just kept getting older, it got more difficult to see. / Till eventually me eyes went and me arthritis got bad. / So now I'm cleaning up in here but I can't be really sad. / Cause you see I feel that life's a game. / You sometimes win or lose. / And though I may be down right now at least I don't work for Jews.
Henny Youngman: Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. Why do Jewish guys die before their wives? They want to.
The Joker: Tell me something, my friend. You ever dance with the devil by the pale moonlight?
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The Joker: Never rub another man's rhubarb.
The Joker: New and improved Joker products! With a new secret ingredient: Smylex.
Jack Napier: So gentlemen, that's how it is. Until Grissom, uh resurfaces, I'm the acting President, and I say starting with this anniversary festival, we run the city into the ground.
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Joker: I now do what other people only dream. I make art until someone dies. See? I am the world's first fully functioning homicidal artist.
[to Rotelli's charred and smoldering corpse]
Joker: Your pals, uh, they're not bad people. Maybe we, uh, outta give them a couple of days to think it over.
[shakes head]
Joker: No?
[looks surprised]
Joker: Grease 'em now? Well, OK. You are a vicious bastard Rotelli, and, uh, I'm glad you're dead!
Memorable Quotes from
My Blue Heaven (1990/I)
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: When did your wife leave?
Barney: October.
Vince: That's when my wife left! What is it about the month of October?
Barney: I dunno. The pressure of Halloween? You never know what to go as!
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Hannah Stubbs: And where did you learn to jump start a car?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: I had to learn to jump start ambulances, to get invalids to the dialysis machines.
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: You dirty rat!
Johnny Bird: Snitch!
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Stool pigeon!
Johnny Bird: Informer!
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Squealer!
Johnny Bird: You dirty rat!
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: I already said you dirty rat!
Johnny Bird: Yeah, but I say it better.
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Clerk at Supermarket: Hello sir, would you like to try a vanilla-bran oat crunchy?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: What do you think?
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[Vincent Antonelli is questioned about the stolen goods in the trunk of the car he stole]
Hannah Stubbs: The books...
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: You have something against books?
Hannah Stubbs: I have nothing about books! I am curious about the books in your trunk.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: You see, I was thinking of writing my story, so I bought this one on how to do it.
Hannah Stubbs: Why do you need 25 copies of it?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: In case I want to read it more than once...
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[Barney tells a joke. Everyone laughs, except Hannah]
Hannah Stubbs: I see that it's funny. I have a sense of humor.
Barney: Of course you have a sense of humor. Everyone thinks they do, even people who don't.
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: It's not tipping I believe in. It's overtipping.
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[Supervising his Mafia friends laying down sod for a baseball field]
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Green side up, fellas! Green side up
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Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: I am the worst case scenario of Thomas Jefferson's dream.
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# posted by Dr. Zaius : 3:52 AM
